Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
-Mary Oliver

30 July, 2012

I have a new job.

And I'm sad, guys.  Like, really sad.  I have worked at my current job for just about two years.  I love working for my bosses.  I love taking care of my babies.  I dislike pretty much everything else and I don't make any money.  So I was bummed, but figured it was time to move on.  And so last Monday, I went to a different daycare for a job interview.  And today, I got the job.

But now that I know that in three weeks I won't be at my current job, here's what happening.  I feel sad, I feel like I will miss the kids, I feel like I will miss my boss, but most of all, I feel guilty.  98% of the kids at my center are on welfare.  They get assistance from the county.  Otherwise there is no way their families could afford for them to go to daycare.  And if there are any kids in the world that need good teachers who care about them and who genuinely have their best interests in mind, it is these kids.  Because every single one of them is amazing and wonderful and valuable, and not one of them will ever get what they deserve to get out of life.  If they have the right combination of education, perseverance, and luck they might be able to rise above their circumstances.  But realistically, it is not very likely for the vast majority of them.  And yeah, that's pessimistic.  But it's true.  So I want to help them.  I mean, I know that my influence on their lives is incredibly limited, but I am quite good at my job.  They feel safe, they have fun, they learn and they know they are loved by me.

And inevitably, you bond.  Especially with a baby you have taken care of pretty much every day since he was six weeks old, and now he's sixteen months old and making him laugh is like magic and he loves you and you love him and he runs to you in the morning and he cries if you have to leave and him crying makes you cry.  

And, well, shit. 

Someone please come over and convince me I'm not a horrible person for leaving them.


015 (7)

Wow, Elizabeth.  Seriously?  Co-dependent, much?