Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
-Mary Oliver

14 October, 2013

A brief conversation on the zombie apocalypse...

Transcribed from a conversation I had with my sister.

KATE: When Nathan and I lived in Breckinridge, he developed this whole zombie contingency plan. Like, he knew where they kept the keys for the big trucks at the rail yard, so he was going to break into the shed and get keys for a big truck, so we’d have that, and then we were going to go to Mom and Dad’s house and get them…He had this whole list of people we were going to get and a plan for the safest places to get provisions and everything.
KATE: And I though he was just, you know, crazy, but then one night I was talking to Dad on the phone and he said “So, I’ve figured out a plan for the zombie apocalypse."
ELIZABETH: No, I know! He’s filled me in on his zombie apocalypse plan! We shoot ‘em from the top of stairs. They’ll bottle neck and we can thin them out.
KATE: Really?
ELIZABETH: Yeah. The upstairs, not the basement stairs obviously. Although, that was when the gun cabinet was in our old room, so the plan may have been revised since then…
KATE: Hmm...Yeah.
ELIZABETH: But, I mean, Mom and Dad’s is still going to be one of the safest places, I think. We might eventually have to leave to find somewhere less populated, like maybe Wyoming or something.
KATE: Yeah. That’s going to be hard.
ELIZABETH: Yeah, I mean, it’s doable, but there aren’t that many places that are less populated.
KATE: No. And, I guess I’m just concerned about finding provisions.
ELIZABETH: Right. But I think that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, we may have to revert to the ways of our ancestors and grow our own food. And by our ancestors, I mean, you know…Dad.
KATE: Yeah.
ELIZABETH: You know, one time I took a “How Long Will You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse” quiz and a “How Long Would You Survive in a Horror Movie” quiz, and I survive the horror movie, but I die in the first six months of the zombie apocalypse.
KATE: Oh, weird. I wonder why that is?
ELIZABETH: Yeah, I don’t know. I suppose it’s because I refuse to leave a man behind.
KATE: Hmm, yeah.
ELIZABETH: So, you might have to find a new zombie fighting buddy. I mean, sorry…
KATE: Yeah, I guess I don’t know. Maybe with both you and Talia, it’d be okay.
ELIZABETH: Sure. And factor in Lucas.
KATE: Yeah. I’d feel good about that.
ELIZABETH: I’d even say we’re golden
KATE: He would be a great zombie apocalypse buddy.
ELIZABETH: Absolutely. The best.
KATE: Nathan would too though, but his preference is sort of hand to hand combat, which…
ELIZABETH: Not really ideal for zombies, what with the biting.
KATE: Yeah. That’s what I’m thinking. But I feel like in the heat of battle, he would probably end up biting one of the zombies and getting infected.
ELIZABETH: That is SUPER GROSS. Eww. Can you get infected by biting a zombie? I sort of thought that being bitten by a zombie was the only way to get infected. Like, a zombie has to break your skin with its teeth.
KATE: I think that you get infected if zombie matter enters your bloodstream.
ELIZABETH: Hm. Okay. I mean, I don’t know. I’ve seen a lot of people get zombie splatter on them, and they were fine…
KATE: I know, but if you bite one, then you have pieces of it in your mouth, which is a mucus membrane…
ELIZABETH: Right…I mean, yeah, maybe that’s how it works. I just don’t know. I guess we’ll have to wait until it happens to find out.
KATE: Yeah. Might take a while.
ELIZABETH: Okay, so I just feel like I should tell you that Malakai checked my heartbeat yesterday, and he said that I didn’t have one and when he felt my forehead, he said that I was cold.
KATE: Oh! Shit! So…You’re dead?
ELIZABETH: I mean, it’s not looking good for me if I’m not already.
KATE: So you’re a zombie? You’ve been a zombie this whole time?


Anonymous said...

You guys are just weird.

Talia said...

For the record, Luke just took the quiz.... he's survives I wasn't so lucky.

Elizabeth Olson said...

I knew he'd be the best zombie apocalypse buddy ever.